The Twelve Minutes of Christmas

 

 

 

Hi Carolyn,

 

Hope your Christmas is prancing right along. Its been hectic here as it always is with hordes of relatives descending upon us. I went to bed Christmas eve and was asleep even before I hit the pillow. Strangely enough, I woke up in what seemed like a moment later and found myself already dressed and out in the living room.

“Funny,” I thought, “ I don’t remember getting dressed!”






Imagine my surprise to stumble over Santa in one of the living room chairs looking like he’d been thoroughly through the ringer. 


　
“Hi Don,” he said in a voice hoarse from twenty-three straight hours of top volume “ ho-ho-ho's “

“Hi Santa, “ I replied, not quite sure what to make of things.

“I suppose you are wondering what I’m doing here?” 
 
“Well , yah I am. You must have had your fill of milk and cookies by now, and we haven't left any out for over a quarter-century anyhow.”

“Look , I am tired beyond belief so I’ll cut to the chase. Here’s the deal. I had just finished my final run in the Aleutian Islands where the International Dateline takes that big jump to the west. I was hi-tailing it for the pole when I got the text from the workshop crew and had to come back here.  It seems you’ve been stupendously good this year but got overlooked by the logistics elves. I can’t really blame them, though. They’ve been working with a skeleton crew because a bunch of U.S. elves from Apple in California that we usually use at this time of year had been seconded by the government to help clean up this this Obamacare thing and weren't available.

 That Apple 27 inch PC that had your name on it somehow got lost in transit and there's only one thing left that I can offer you. I’ve  got just enough magic dust left to give you 12 minutes of time travel,"  he said slapping his white gloves impatiently on the arm of my favourite chair. 




 Normally I could offer you more but there was a massive run on this time travel stuff by Republicans in The United States. They all wanted to go back to   the eighties and pick Ronald Reagan’s brain for ideas about future directions for the GOP.

　
“Okay, I need some time to consider this though.”  I answered. " Can I go backwards and forwards?"


 " Yes, Don! " He frowned a most unSanta-like frown and tapped his fingers staccato style on the other chair arm.

　
“C’mon man this is a pretty major thing and a chance that few get,” I shot back, defensively.
 
“Okay!" he fumed, " Since you’re getting twelve minutes I’ll give you 12 seconds to make up your mind. I’m starting the countdown now,” he said and began to put his gloves back on.

In what seemed a lot more like a twelfth of a second than twelve, he spoke again.  "C'mon , Mr. Good fella. Time's up.”


"Okay, I got it!  Here's what I want :




2 minutes at the Cavern Club, 10 Mathew Street Liverpool, in 1962  for a performance of I Saw Her Standing There. 

  Oh yes and it has to be after Ringo joined the band.

And please don't ask - What band ?







2 minutes on the moon in July 21, 1969 ( at 2.56 UTC ) with Neil Armstrong just as his foot hits the moon soil and he makes that iconic  declaration to Walter Cronkite and millions of  mesmerised folks glued to their black and white sets.



　







2 minutes at the Drury Lane Theatre in London in 1762 for the end of Act 3 of Two Gentlemen of Verona, the first performance of the first play by a struggling young playwright named William Shakespeare.













2 minutes in his lab  with  Nicola Tesla  just as his experiments reveal that electricity can be produced simply and effectively.  














2 minutes somewhere and hopefully sometime soon for the discovery of a cure for cancer.










2 minutes in wherever its going to happen for the first substantiated contact with extra terrestrial life."






"Okay, Don, I’m absolutely and totally bagged from last nights global shenanigans, but now that I have some details, we can do this thing."

A once spotless glove, now caked with chimney soot, grabbed my arm and in a trice we were outside on the front lawn. Santa nudged my elbow impatiently.


 "Hop in the sleigh, buckle up and lets get to it, through it, and do it!"


“Ho ho ho” , I heard myself exclaim as we flew out of sight. 



　
　
I thought, upon awakening in my bed, that I'd just chalk the whole thing up to too much merriment and Christmas goodies the night before. 

Well, that's the kind of Christmas it's been here so far. Back atcha later.

 

 

 

 

Don 

 

 

All images sourced from Google Images.

 

Fig. 1 - hollistonreporter.com

Fig. 2 - apple.com

Fig. 3 - taylormarsh.com

Fig. 4 - beatlesbible.com

Fig. 5 - Wikipedia.com

Fig. 6 - spitalfieldslife.com 

Fig. 7 - en.wikipedia.org

Fig. 8 - microscope.com

Fig. 9 - dailygalaxy.com